hi. this is about (checking time) waw its already monday. another beezy day to start with. hm remember when i told you that i was so excited about going to college? yeah i was losing that spirit few days ago. i completely lost in there. i felt like this is not what i wanted me to be or something because i didnt feel happy AT ALL. i was so tired. i started to questioning is this what i wanted? my dreams were getting smaller and smaller. i didnt know where i stand.
but couple of days ago, i finally (not so sure but guess so) found my way back. what i want to be, why am i here blah. you know what really hard about finding a way back? try to feel the old feelings of excitement and reasons why im here. finding your own spirit in fog. its hard. i was trying to feel that feeling but i felt nothing. then i started to see my goals and dreams. then i felt like some button in my head is turning on. i burst my tears (well not that much but yeah lil bit). i feel so dumb if i waste this golden chance. i mean, i got what i wanted and what i needed, what else can you expect? you can be like the others who had luxurious facilities but then become nothing, but i decided not to be. i dont want to be the one i dont like. i dont want to be such a hypocrite.
that was the old saying that young age is about to find your own true identity, well its true. damn true. if you step, once step, in the mud, youre gonna be dirty. but its your choice to clean it up or let it stick in your foot till it stained. well ive decided to clean it up. hope i will always choose to clean it up