September 28, 2011

27 Dresses

I watched 27 dresses dayssss ago, what a romantic-happy ending story that i knew it is only exist in movies. Something you can tell to people to make them happier. Like there is hope. Im waiting for that kinda something... a guy who made mistake, made me upset, made me missundertood. The guy who i never thought would be the one for me. The guy who is not matched with the guy i always wanted to be my boyfriend. The guy who always exist in romantic comedy movie. But i know there is one for me. One for every person. Because God said that. I believe that.

I made mistake. A lot of mistakes. Im talking about my love life. First love for me was like the curiousness of how it feels to having boyfriend. Second love was like ‘did i agree to say yes to you?’ Third love was about stupidity, love triangle, cheating and a bucket full of tears, the first one who makes me cry you know? The fourth love, my latest love, was about... i dont know, dissapointment, feeling of i want to forget him, feeling of i believe he is a good guy who would not cheating on me. But he is a good guy. And i desperately broke his heart...
Sometimes i look around and seeing my friends with their boyfriends. How happy they are, how sweet, romantic, stuffs. I cant see that in my own ‘love’. I mean, im not the romantic kinda type, im the ignorance type. It sucks. I never think that im trying to keep my relationship held high. Thats the point, i never take my relationship seriously.

My mom always says never take any of your relationship seriously. I know she meant good, but i acted it wrong.

I guess i never tried to find LOVE. When i had one, someone elses broke it for me. When i had one but i didnt think its the right one, i broke it by myself.

I wish my life is like the romantic comedy movie: meet, hatred, crush, missunderstood, tears, re-meet, happy ending...

Is life that easy? It is when youre taking it easily.

September 25, 2011

Colors in Greyscale

Niatnya gue pengen ngepost tadi malem, tapi maap, batere laptop drop. Males ngecharge jadi ya...............gitu deh. -Ohiya! Tugas 3d dummy gue udah selesai! Makanya gue bisa mantengin laptop daritadi *brb cartwheel*- Padahal tadi malem gue pengen banget nulis tentang warna. WARNA. Lo tau warna kan? Setiap lo nengok pasti ada warna.

Hari jumat kemarin, gue diajarin tentang warna. Gue baru tau kalo warna itu bisa dicium! Katanya warna pink itu kecium stroberi. Gue cium bau plastik. Oke serius nih, dari pelajaran kemarin gue jadi mikir ternyata warna banyak artinya, bahkan putih yang bukan sebuah, sepotong, seekor warna itupun ada artinya.

Colors in greyscale. I really love that sentence. Idkw. Kalo lo liat baik-baik nih, anggap aja diri lo itu printer, buat bikin warna abu-abu itu dibutuhkan banyak warna loh. Hitam aja perlu semua warna untuk jadi dirinya sendiri. Terus apa lagi ya........... ah gue lupa. Padahal tadi malem pikiran gue lagi bener itu arahnya. ah! -sekali lagi biar keliatan nyeselnya-

Warna primer ada 3, magenta, cyan sama kuning asli. Susah nyari si trio ini. Si para asli-asli ini. Emang jaman sekarang udah susah kalo nyari asli. Walaupun ada pasti kw berapa gitu. Okay, i have to admit that i really have no idea what im saying rite nah.

Yaudah ya blog, biar keren gue buat quotenya aja dari postingan gue yang garing kaya kerupuk dijemur kelamaan dibawah matahari mendung.
"Black needs everything to be itself, but to be white, you just need a light"
Keren ga? Ga kan! Gue tau kok kalo gue keren pasti gue pake kacamata item sekarang. 

September 24, 2011

okay i admit it. tonight at this very second, this very middle of the night. gue galau. lagi. aaaaaaa parah. kenapa gue sukanya sama lo. kenapa harus sama lo? gue aja ga kenal lo siapa, gue aja gatau lo kaya gimana dan gue suka sama lo. kenapa gue suka sama lo??????????????

fix. galau.

biasanya gue yang ngecak2in orang yang lagi galau. but here i am, writing about myself being galau. here i am, hiding from people's judgement and careness. when blog isnt the best people use nowadays. here i am, thinking why do i can even care about you. why am i possibly in love with you. yes you. the one that i put inside my inner circle. the one that ive been thinking all day long. all week long. and you have no idea about it! no at all!!! hffff im happy as a butterfly anyway :)

September 23, 2011


finally weekend is already on board! after one week full of sweats, buses's smokes, papers, fabrics and paints, the days off are comin in. 

i know maybe i talked too much about my new life as college student but i cant stand this amazing feeling and -of course- lottahomeworktodo efforts. after 5 months i hadnt been in school, i mean the real school, i already got tired in a day! you may say im lame, weak and what so ever but you dont know what ive been through.

i woke at 4.30 and it was getting later day by day. maybe i was too tired to wake up early again haha and by the way i took two buses to get to esmod and then get the fingerprinted and off to class. there are two main classes i have to go to. but i only had one subject each day, except in wednesday i got 4 subjects. my main classes are pattern drafting and fashion design. personally, i prefer fd class than pd class. maybe because it has less work but lot of fun in there but im not saying that pd class isnt fun, am i?

September 21, 2011

Before Blanket Takes Over...

Hi its me again. its been days i havent posted any. first of all, its my beginning year in college. yeay! happy, exciting and tired at the same time. its only 3 days and my bones are already crushing to each other :& im not feeling swell today anyway. my class is 1c in Esmod Jakarta. im getting new friends and new environments to get used to. eventhough im still missing my high school's euphoria....

second thing to say, I LOST MY DATA CABLE FOR MY BB!!!! i was so freaking tired when i couldnt find my cable data :'(

actually i do want to tell you a lot about my days in college, blog. but unfortunately my body cant afford it... guess it needs plenty of rests. weekend please come sooner :)

September 18, 2011


im staring at this monitor for like five minutes, like seriously. i confused by these ideas inside my brain. someone said, "when you couldnt think of any, maybe you had a lot of them in your head or you had none". maybe i had a lot or none but i was thinking about this phrase, 
"when there is a will, there is a way"

i have dreams. uncountable dreams, i'd say. everyone had their own dreams. but sometimes we're just too afraid of dreaming because we're so afraid of losing. but guys, trust me, when youre not dreaming anymore then youre not hoping anything. when youre not hoping anything then what the h*ll is the reason for you to still alive?! if you dont have dream then you have nothing to live for. youre like lost. youre lost in this universe.

i was afraid of hoping something too when i knew it isnt realistic and too impossible. but then i realized, if God could create this entire universe, there is no impossible for Him to make my dreamSS come true. He made planets standing still for billion years. He made those stars sparkling every night. He made us breathing every second. He made us from flash and blood and bones. there is no impossible for Him to make our tiny wishes granted. thats why i dare to dream and believe it will come true. whether its too impossible or too great to be true.


September 17, 2011

"Dream is the one that keep you held high when you're at the lowest point in your life"

September 16, 2011

H-2 menuju hari-hari kuliah

tanggal 19 september nanti, AKHIRNYA gue masuk kuliah! akhirnya setelah 3 bulan lebih gue nganggur hampir lumutan nempel sama kasur dikamar, gue masuk kuliah! im so truly damn excited but still im nervous too.

gimana ya calon temen2 gue diesmod.. apa mereka seasik temen2 sma gue dulu? apa mereka nyeremin? apa mereka bertaring? apa mereka minum darah orang?! -PLIS BANGET ITU VAMPIR-

dari pengalaman temen2 gue yang udah pada kuliah, mereka merindukan lingkungan sma. apa nanti gue bakalan kaya gitu juga? apa malah nanti gue yang malah melupakan temen2 sma gue?

buat gue kata temen dan sahabat dan kenalan dan tau itu bedanya jauh. kaya kaki kerambut. jauh kan? kecuali rambut lo panjangnya sampe kekaki. tau itu kita cuma tau namanya terus ga pernahh ngobrol. kenal itu tau namanya, pernah ngobrol tapi sekali2 doang. temen itu tau namanya, ngobrolnya ga cuma sekali2 doang, tempat kita ketawa2 bareng. sahabat itu tau namanya, sering banget ngobrol sama dia, ketawa bareng, nangis bareng, berantem bareng.

nyari temen aja susah gimana nyari sahabat. temen sma dan sahabat gue ga bakalan bisa gue lupain sampe kapan pun. bener kata orang kalo sma itu saat2 yang paling indah. lo kenal gimana karakter orang, lo tau apa itu beda suka sama sayang-cieeee-, lo tau gimana ngatasin emosi lo, lo tau apa namanya solidaritas dan setia kawan yaaaa di sma. i for one thinking thank god i went to 47. gue gatau apa jadinya gue kalo di sma2 yang lain. gue gatau gimana pola berpikir gue sekarang kalo gue ga masuk 47.
kangennya parah sama 47. suasana pagi pas detik2 telat menuju tangga merah, lari2an sambil pake gesper, melatih gue untuk multitasking dan perencanaan waktu. hahaha. hmmmm kangen 47 banget :(
i miss you all without any exception


hai, kali ini gue bukan mau ngepost tentang galau lagi. bukan. bosen juga kalo blog gue isinya cuma galauan gue doang. nanti ada yang protes mau ngeunfollow lagi -ups itu twitter- makanya hari ini gue berusaha untuk posting sesuatu yang ga galau.tapi tetep gue bingung mau nulis apa.. tapi gue pengen nulis gimana dong -galau lagi- pengen nulis tentang konspirasi, bahaya, pengen nulis soal musik dangdut, ga sering dengerin. oke gue bakalan nulis soal life's improvement. berat yah. perbaikan hidup.

tadi malem gue nonton acara stand up comedy di suatu stasiun tv swasta. lawakannya ya tentang jaman sekarang, agak nyindir politik juga. ya bisa dibilang itu agak nyentil kali ya cuman dalam bentuk yang lebih lucu, ga kaya acara talkshow yang orang2 didalemnya bisa jadi gondok gara2 mau ngomong eh dipotong mulu.

terus apa hubungannya sama perbaikan hidup gue? waktu kecil gue paling ga suka orang ngelawak bawa2 politik. gue pikir ngapain sih lawakan jadi dibawa berat.. tapi sekarang gue malah suka.  gue ternyata telah berubah tjoy.

kita berubah. tiap detik kita berubah, ada yang jadi lebih buruk dan juga ada yang lebih buruk lagi. kalo yang sering digalauin di twitter sih, pacarnya berubah. apakah pacarnya bisa berubah jadi power ranger?! saya tidak tahu tanyakan saja pada rumput yang bergoyang *hosh*

kalo gue bandingin 'gue waktu tengah2 sma' sama 'gue sekarang', gue jauh banget bedanya. gue dulu gatau mau dibawa kemana hidup gue-yang pasti bukan kehutan yah-, gue gatau gue gede mau jadi apa, yang ada dipikiran gue cuma temen doang. orang2 yang umurnya sepantaran sama gue. tapi sekarang gue udah tau apa yang gue mau dan apa yang harus gue lakukan demi kebahagiaan orang2 disekitar gue. bisa dibilang gue telah dapetin sesuatu yang ngerubah pola pikir gue. life's changing experience. sejak saat itu gue mikir kalo gue ga bisa gini terus, gue ga boleh cuma mikirin 'gue' doang. gue yang dulu bisa dibilang biasa aja sama keluarga gue, sekarang yah ikatan batin gue lebih besar sama mereka. emang keluarga itu bener2 the last and only place that you can go back anytime anywhere. untungnya gue nyadarin ini sebelum ada kejadian apa2 sama keluarga gue *amit-amit*

pusing ga sih lo baca ini? pasti pada mikir ngomong apaan sih ni orang gajelas abis. hehehe pis. kalo ga suka remes ajah terus dibuang. xoxo

September 15, 2011

Love You Like A Love Song

this post is still related to the last one :p i do keep this song on repeat mode. everyone is gonna love this song when it strucks your ears with its catchy music. best song selena's ever done.


It's been said and done
Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with the best of them
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hypnotized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are... And I want you to know baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

No one compares
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my heart that's what you are
A song that goes on and on

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

I love a love song...

Kegalauan hati

lawas banget judulnya. yaaaa lo taulah dari judulnya kalo itu lagi galau. ya sangat galau. gue ga bakal sebut nama disini.

gue suka sama seseorang.

mau tau siapaaaa? gabakal gue kasitau!

kebanyakan dari lo pasti tau orang ini, tau dia, siapa dia. pasti.

gue gatau kenapa gue bisa suka sama dia padahal awalnya gue sama sekali biasa aja! sangat biasa. tapi ketika gue liat foto itu, i was like strucked by lightning... rasanya ada lagu close to you terngiang2 dikuping gue dengan burung2 terbang dari arah punggung gue.. iya mungkin bisa dibilang gue jatuh hati kali yeaaa tapi gue takut untuk memakai frase itu. sebut saja 'naksir'.

siapa sih yang ga suka cowo yang pinter, stabil emosinya, lucu dan plusnya juga ada, cute dikit wkwk. itu yang gue pikirin pas liat foto itu. ya gue emang aneh, ga jelas karena dia bahkan ga kenal gue. begitu juga dengan gue! sekarang gue tambah galau karena kerabat gue kenal dengan cowo itu. fix. galau. gue galau dari hari minggu sampe detik ini gue lagi ngetik, gue galau. galau keubun2, gue galau. disaat gue lagi ga mengerjakan kewajiban spiritual gue, gue mikirin dia.
eventhough i know he doesnt even know me but this is the best part of fallin in love. galau. bukan galau karena mantan atau pacarnya mantan hahahaa, ini galau karena suka sama orang tjoy. gue suka perasaan kaya gini. mungkin karena gue udah lama ga ngerasain ini kali ya.

im taking this feeling seriously. it feels like not the ordinary crush to a boy. it has deeper feeling way more than that. meskipun gue sadar mungkin me and him will never happen. but there is no impossible for God to smile at me. jadi mulai sekarang gue menetapkan hati gue sama dia sampai gue bisa menambatkan hati gue kelain orang. Seriously. gue ga pikirin deh apa kata orang soal ini. gue suka sama dia. titik ga pake tanda seru. banyak hati merah untuk ini.


Hi! Im back again! since the last time i posted my post hihi. banyak banget yang harus gue tuang disini karena sarana inilah yang gue cari selama ini, dimana pas galau ga ada yang ngecakkin, dimana pas marah ga bikin risih orang lain, dimana pas sedih ga malu diliatin followers twitter...

Im officially college student looooh. setelah 6 tahun bergelimpangan dilika liku seskoal dan sekitarnya akhirnya, gue masuk ESMOD. ya ESMOD pake caps lock, kapital. ga pernah seujung kuku pun diotak gue kepikiran kalo gue end up disini, esmod. secara dulu di 47 sangat didorong untuk masuk ptn jadi yaaaa gue kepikiran masuk fsrd itb dan paling mentok............arsitektur. gue selalu mikir dan berprinsip kalo gue gamau kuliah yang ribet dan gamau kerja dibelakang meja. gue mau kuliah yang yah gambar aja. ternyata doa dan omongan gue didenger Allah SWT. dan akhirnya gue nyampe dipintu gerbang esmod. kalo menurut suatu website sih masuk 10 besar best fashion college around the globe.

kenapa gue ga pernah mikir untuk masuk esmod dan tiba2 gue masuk? karena pertama, gue pernah denger esmod dan cuma sempet mikir, 'oh sekolah desain tuh bilang mama ah', kedua karena dulu gue takut untuk bilang keorang kalo cita2 gue itu adalah fashion designer. waktu dulu di sd gue ada buku tahunan, gue nulis cita2 gue adalah seorang desainer interior, karena gue gatau gimana nulis fashion designer dalam bahasa indonesia. masa desainer baju, kan ga lucu. terus ya akhirnya gue nulis itu deh.

sekitar bulan februari, atau januari gitu, gue sama anak2 47 ikut pameran ptn dan pts di JHCC. waktu itu hari jumat dan kita kesana pake bis--bukan bis kopaja loh kali ini--rame2. gue kesana dengan so interested dengan itb itb itb. tapi disana TIDAK ADA STAND ITB. adanya ui, ugm, dll gue lupa. secara tak sengaja gue lewat depan stand lasalle dan esmod. gue galau. pengen masuk coba nanya2 tapi malu :$.  tapi temankoh si mbak fitra, mau menemaniku distand esmod setelah muter2 ngumpulin brosur dan pamflet dari stand2 univ lain. pertama disana gue cuma nanya ya standarlah, gimana kuliahnya, biayanya.... biayanya itu loh yang bikin gue mikir yaudalah nanya2 doang ini. lalu gue ditawarin untuk tes masuk disitu, ya disitu! gratis! (setelah itu gue baru tau beli formulir esmod ternyata 1jt, sangat bersyukur gue ikut tes disitu) gue ikut tes disitu, awalnya ditemenin fitra tapi akhirnya dia caw mau keliling2. waktu gue lagi tes ada satu orang juga yg lagi ikut tes disitu. gue isi formulir bla bla bla dan tiba di pertanyaan pertama. gue lupa apa tapi pokoknya sekitar 4 halaman itu tentang pengetahuan umum kita deh. gue isi kira2 cuma 1/3 karena gue pusing banget ga bisa mikir. gue tiba di suatu pertanyaan yang ngeharusin gue desain orang full body. karena gue suka baca majalah dan liat streetstyle di internet ya pikiran gue otomatis kesitu. pas gue gambar, mbak2nya bilang 'kamu udah bisa desain ya?', gue melongo sejenak terus cengar cengir ga jelas kemudian. sekitar 30 menit kemudian fitra telfon gue katanya bisnya mau berangkat. panik. gue langsung bilang ke mbaknya kalo gue harus pergi, mbaknya terus nunjukin gue yang mana aja yg penting gue isi. gue isi seperlunya lalu gue caw. inget banget gue, halaman selanjutnya yg ga gue isi itu adalah itung2an, matematik gitu.

singkat cerita, kira2 dua minggu kemudian pas lagi diperpus sekolah, gue disms ayah yang isinya 'FIKA KAMU DITERIMA DI ESMOD. AMPLOP SAMA MAMA' shock. pengen teriak tapi bingung. karena gue ga ngarepin untuk bisa masuk kesitu.

tapi akhirnya gue disini. takdir berkata lain, mungkin ini emang jalan gue dan gue amat bersyukur dengan itu. sejak itu gue mulai berpikir kalo ga apa2 kok punya cita2 yang terkadang sangat beda dengan orang2 disekeliling kita. My comeback is when i realize its okay to be a way different from people you meet. because people absorb us, they will understand who we are when we know who we are.